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When I initially came to be a mama, I recognized that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Parenting Strategies And Technique
There were a few books on our shelf about taking care of power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to recognize that, while no person is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Parenting Strategies And Technique
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Parenting Strategies And Technique
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I started checking out blogs regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, severe punishments as well as basically every other generally accepted parenting technique.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these concepts cause healthy child development Parenting Strategies And Technique
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean father” could seem to benefit for the moment. But in the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his background as well as learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Parenting Strategies And Technique
First, let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Providing your children whatever they want Parenting Strategies And Technique
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the truth that cooperation consistently produces far better lasting results than strict control.
Parents that embrace this concept have learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they do not … After all, what takes place once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere outward conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s how I was parented, and I just had no framework for anything different. Parenting Strategies And Technique
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Identify the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s usually widely accepted (and also much more common in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a lot farther towards solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you and me. And also often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Parenting Strategies And Technique
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from joyful one moment to major tantrum the next. Instead of fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a key emotion underneath it
• The majority of angry children are actually frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on meeting that large need initially.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s tough due to the fact that you truly really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The intent is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our next scenario … Parenting Strategies And Technique
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to receive from our child, we should agree to give before anyone else. If I am impolite, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult just because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the standard as well as show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and also you respect them as a person. Parenting Strategies And Technique
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind despite conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more respect, the primary step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Parenting Strategies And Technique
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the swiped sticker, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anyone to settle the conflict. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Parenting Strategies And Technique
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to solve conflict, as well as even how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be curious about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Parenting Strategies And Technique
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mama or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Parenting Strategies And Technique
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Parenting Strategies And Technique
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.