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When I first became a mom, I knew that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Parenting Strategies
There were a few books on our shelf about handling power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, and also just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a hard period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no one is perfect, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Parenting Strategies
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Parenting Strategies
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I started reviewing articles concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, severe punishments and also practically every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs met. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas bring about healthy child development Parenting Strategies
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might seem to benefit for the moment. However long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history and discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Parenting Strategies
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they ask for Parenting Strategies
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the fact that collaboration consistently yields much better long-term outcomes than forced control.
Parents who adopt this design have learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-control
• Going much deeper than simple outward compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s just how I was parented, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Parenting Strategies
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Discover the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s usually much easier (as well as much more usual in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
But we can progress a lot more toward solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you and me. And often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Parenting Strategies
For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from delighted one moment to complete meltdown the next. Instead of combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a main feeling underneath it
• Many mad children are actually frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on addressing that big need first.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard since you truly want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our following example … Parenting Strategies
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to get from our child, we should be eager to offer. If I am impolite, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager just since I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or father, you can set the example and show your young adult that you value their point of view, and you respect them as an individual. Parenting Strategies
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with more regard, the very first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Parenting Strategies
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and also returned the swiped sticker, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any individual to fix the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Parenting Strategies
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to solve conflict, as well as even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be curious about my husband, Antonio, and his 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? Parenting Strategies
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old way of life. Yet bit by bit, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not think just how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any person that is serious about growing to be a more positive mommy or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Parenting Strategies
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Parenting Strategies
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