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When I first became a mom, I understood that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Parenting Strong Willed Toddlers
There were a few books on our shelf about taking care of power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to realize that, while no person is without fault, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mom.Parenting Strong Willed Toddlers
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Parenting Strong Willed Toddlers
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I started reading material regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and basically every other generally approved parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles lead to healthy child development Parenting Strong Willed Toddlers
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could appear to work for the moment. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Parenting Strong Willed Toddlers
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Offering your children every little thing they want Parenting Strong Willed Toddlers
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the fact that collaboration consistently yields far better long-term results than harsh control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … After all, what takes place once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than plain outward conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s how I was raised, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Parenting Strong Willed Toddlers
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Get to the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s commonly easier (and also more common in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal further towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you and also me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Parenting Strong Willed Toddlers
For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from joyful one moment to major tantrum the next. So instead of battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a main feeling below it
• A lot of upset children are actually frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that need to be addressed first. For example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on meeting that big need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough due to the fact that you truly really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and also say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next scenario … Parenting Strong Willed Toddlers
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to receive from our child, we need to be willing to offer. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager simply since I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or father, you can set the example and show your teen that you value their opinion, and also you appreciate them as an individual. Parenting Strong Willed Toddlers
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teen to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Parenting Strong Willed Toddlers
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anyone to fix the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Parenting Strong Willed Toddlers
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to fix conflict, and also even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be curious about my other half, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Parenting Strong Willed Toddlers
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to change your old parenting style. But gradually, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual who is serious about coming to be a more positive mother or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Parenting Strong Willed Toddlers
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Parenting Strong Willed Toddlers
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.