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When I initially became a mother, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Parenting Styles Handout
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding managing power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they found out in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to recognize that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Parenting Styles Handout
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Parenting Styles Handout
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I started reviewing blog posts regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, extreme punishments as well as practically every other typically approved parenting strategy.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles lead to healthy and balanced child development Parenting Styles Handout
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may seem to benefit temporarily. However in the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his background as well as discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Parenting Styles Handout
Let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they want Parenting Styles Handout
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the reality that cooperation always produces better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have actually learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Besides, what happens once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain external compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Parenting Styles Handout
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Find the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly easier (as well as a lot more typical in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a lot more toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you as well as me. And most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Parenting Styles Handout
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from delighted one moment to major tantrum the next. Instead of dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a primary feeling below it
• A lot of mad children are actually frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that have to be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s hard since you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our following scenario … Parenting Styles Handout
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we intend to obtain from our child, we have to be willing to provide first. If I am discourteous, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager simply due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the example and also show your teen that you value their opinion, and you value them as a person. Parenting Styles Handout
This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. Yet it does suggest you can be kind despite disputes. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Parenting Styles Handout
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anyone to resolve the problem. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Parenting Styles Handout
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to solve conflict, and also even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and also his two teenage boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
How can you come to be a positive parent? Parenting Styles Handout
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old ways. But bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not think how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mother or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Parenting Styles Handout
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Parenting Styles Handout
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.