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When I first came to be a mom, I knew that I wanted to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the very best they could, however they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Parenting Styles Worksheet
There were a few books on our bookshelf about dealing with power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to realize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mom.Parenting Styles Worksheet
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Parenting Styles Worksheet
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I started checking out articles about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and also practically every other commonly approved parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs met. I learned more about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles result in healthy child development Parenting Styles Worksheet
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could seem to work for the moment. Yet in the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his history and discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Parenting Styles Worksheet
First, let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Giving your children whatever they ask for Parenting Styles Worksheet
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the truth that collaboration always yields much better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Parents who adopt this design have learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-control
• Going much deeper than plain outside compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Parenting Styles Worksheet
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s typically easier (and also more usual in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
However we can get a whole lot farther toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you and me. And frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Parenting Styles Worksheet
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from delighted one moment to major meltdown the next. Instead of fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a main feeling beneath it
• Many mad children are in fact scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that should be addressed first. For example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on meeting that large need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard due to the fact that you truly wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to enable him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following scenario … Parenting Styles Worksheet
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to receive from our child, we should be willing to offer. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager simply since I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, and also you respect them as an individual. Parenting Styles Worksheet
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. But it does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Parenting Styles Worksheet
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the stolen sticker, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anyone to resolve the problem. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Parenting Styles Worksheet
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to solve conflict, as well as even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers might be curious about my husband, Antonio, and also his two teen boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Parenting Styles Worksheet
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to change your old parenting style. However little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually altered, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend any person that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mother or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Parenting Styles Worksheet
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Parenting Styles Worksheet
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