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When I initially came to be a mama, I understood that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Parenting Synonym
There were a few books on our shelf concerning taking care of power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to recognize that, while no person is without fault, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Parenting Synonym
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Parenting Synonym
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I started reviewing blogs concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, severe punishments and also pretty much every other generally approved parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs met. I found out about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles cause healthy and balanced child development Parenting Synonym
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might seem to work temporarily. Long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his history and also learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Parenting Synonym
Initially, let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Offering your children every little thing they ask for Parenting Synonym
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the reality that cooperation always produces much better lasting outcomes than strict control.
Parents that embrace this concept have actually learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they do not … Besides, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than simple outward conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Parenting Synonym
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Right here are a couple of the methods Amy teaches to assist you to evolve into the mother or daddy you have actually always intended to be, and encourage your child to reach his or her complete potential.
Identify the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s commonly widely accepted (and also a lot more typical in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal more towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you and me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Parenting Synonym
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from joyful one minute to complete tantrum the next. So as opposed to combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a key emotion under it
• Many mad children are actually scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on meeting that huge need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad because I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s hard since you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following example … Parenting Synonym
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to obtain from our child, we need to want to give before anyone else. If I am impolite, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult just due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the standard and also communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and also you appreciate them as a person. Parenting Synonym
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. Yet it does mean you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Parenting Synonym
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and returned the swiped sticker, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anybody to solve the dispute. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Parenting Synonym
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to resolve conflict, and even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers might be wondering about my husband, Antonio, as well as his two teen boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
Just how can you become a positive parent? Parenting Synonym
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to alter your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually altered, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone that is serious about coming to be a more positive mom or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Parenting Synonym
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Parenting Synonym
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.