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When I first became a mom, I recognized that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Parenting Tantrums
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding dealing with power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they found out in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no one is without fault, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Parenting Tantrums
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Parenting Tantrums
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I began reading material concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, harsh punishments as well as basically every other commonly accepted parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs met. I learned about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas cause healthy and balanced child development Parenting Tantrums
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may appear to help for the moment. But long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his background and also learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Parenting Tantrums
Let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children whatever they ask for Parenting Tantrums
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the reality that collaboration always yields far better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Moms and dads who embrace this design have actually learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they don’t … Besides, what occurs when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-control
• Going much deeper than plain exterior conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Parenting Tantrums
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s often widely accepted (and a lot more common in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you and also me. And also most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Parenting Tantrums
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from happy one moment to major meltdown the next. So as opposed to fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a primary emotion under it
• The majority of angry children are really frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on meeting that huge need initially.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s tough because you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The intent is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our next example … Parenting Tantrums
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to receive from our child, we have to be willing to give. If I am impolite, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult simply because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example as well as show your teenager that you value their opinion, and you value them as an individual. Parenting Tantrums
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the primary step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Parenting Tantrums
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and returned the stolen sticker, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anyone to settle the conflict. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Parenting Tantrums
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to settle disputes, and also even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be curious about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Parenting Tantrums
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you have actually changed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone who is serious about growing to be a much more positive mama or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Parenting Tantrums
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. Parenting Tantrums
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