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When I initially came to be a mama, I knew that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Parenting Technique
There were a few books on our shelf regarding dealing with power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they learned in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to realize that, while no one is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.Parenting Technique
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Parenting Technique
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began reviewing blogs regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and pretty much every other commonly approved parenting strategy.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts lead to healthy and balanced child development Parenting Technique
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may appear to help for the moment. But in the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his background and also finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Parenting Technique
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they want Parenting Technique
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the truth that cooperation consistently generates better long-lasting results than forced control.
Parents that embrace this design have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what occurs once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than simple outside compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Parenting Technique
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Discover the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly widely accepted (and also extra common in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can get a lot more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you as well as me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Parenting Technique
For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet formed. That means they can go from happy one moment to complete meltdown the next. So as opposed to fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a key emotion below it
• Most angry children are really scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be met initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on addressing that huge need first.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really angry due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard since you really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following example … Parenting Technique
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to get from our child, we should be willing to give before anyone else. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen simply because I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the example as well as show your young adult that you value their opinion, and you respect them as a person. Parenting Technique
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. However it does imply you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Parenting Technique
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and also returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any individual to resolve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Parenting Technique
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to solve conflict, as well as even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and also his two teen boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Parenting Technique
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to change your old ways. Yet gradually, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody who is serious about growing to be a much more positive mama or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Parenting Technique
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Parenting Technique
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.