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When I initially became a mama, I recognized that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Parenting The Difficult Child
There were a few books on our shelf concerning managing power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to recognize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Parenting The Difficult Child
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Parenting The Difficult Child
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I started checking out blog posts regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, extreme punishments as well as practically every other generally approved parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these ideas bring about healthy child development Parenting The Difficult Child
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had observed firsthand how being the “mean dad” could appear to work for the moment. Long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his history and learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Parenting The Difficult Child
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they want Parenting The Difficult Child
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the reality that cooperation consistently yields much better long-term outcomes than strict control.
Parents who embrace this concept have actually learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than plain outward conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Parenting The Difficult Child
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s frequently widely accepted (and also more common in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a whole lot more toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you and also me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Parenting The Difficult Child
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from happy one moment to complete tantrum the next. Rather than battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a main feeling beneath it
• Many angry children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that huge need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really mad because I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s tough since you truly wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our next scenario … Parenting The Difficult Child
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we wish to receive from our child, we have to agree to offer before anyone else. If I am impolite, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager simply since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the standard and show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and also you appreciate them as a person. Parenting The Difficult Child
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Parenting The Difficult Child
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate any person to deal with the dispute. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Parenting The Difficult Child
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to solve conflict, and also even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be curious about my other half, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
Just how can you come to be a positive parent? Parenting The Difficult Child
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to change your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually changed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mommy or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Parenting The Difficult Child
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. Parenting The Difficult Child
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.