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When I initially became a mom, I recognized that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Parenting Tips For Behavior Problems
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding handling power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they found out in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a hard period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to realize that, while no one is without fault, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Parenting Tips For Behavior Problems
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Parenting Tips For Behavior Problems
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I started reviewing material concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and basically every other generally accepted parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs met. I discovered:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these concepts result in healthy and balanced child development Parenting Tips For Behavior Problems
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could appear to help temporarily. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his background and learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Parenting Tips For Behavior Problems
Let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Parenting Tips For Behavior Problems
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method identifies the truth that collaboration consistently yields much better long-term results than forced control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have actually figured out how to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they don’t … Besides, what takes place when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple exterior conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Parenting Tips For Behavior Problems
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently widely accepted (as well as more typical in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
However we can progress a whole lot more towards solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you and me. And also many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Parenting Tips For Behavior Problems
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one moment to major meltdown the next. So as opposed to dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a primary emotion below it
• Many mad children are actually frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that have to be met initially. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on addressing that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really upset since I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard since you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The intent is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about young adults in our following example … Parenting Tips For Behavior Problems
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we wish to obtain from our child, we have to be willing to provide before anyone else. If I am impolite, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult just since I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the standard and communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, and you value them as a person. Parenting Tips For Behavior Problems
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teenager to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Parenting Tips For Behavior Problems
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anybody to settle the dispute. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Parenting Tips For Behavior Problems
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to solve conflict, and also even how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers might be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and also his two adolescent boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So just how can you become a positive parent? Parenting Tips For Behavior Problems
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old ways. However bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mom or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Parenting Tips For Behavior Problems
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Parenting Tips For Behavior Problems
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