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When I initially became a mother, I knew that I intended to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they really did not have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Parenting Training
There were a couple of books on our shelf about handling power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they found out in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to recognize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Parenting Training
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Parenting Training
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started reading articles regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, severe punishments and practically every other typically approved parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas result in healthy and balanced child development Parenting Training
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may seem to help temporarily. However in the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and also discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Parenting Training
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Providing your children whatever they ask for Parenting Training
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the fact that cooperation always produces much better lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Parents who embrace this design have actually learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Besides, what occurs once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere outward compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s just how I was parented, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Parenting Training
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often simpler (as well as extra common in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a lot further towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you as well as me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Parenting Training
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from joyful one moment to major meltdown the next. So rather than fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a key emotion underneath it
• A lot of mad children are actually scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that should be met first. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that large need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset because I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s tough since you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The objective is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next example … Parenting Training
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to get from our child, we need to be ready to provide. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen just because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or father, you can set the standard and also communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, and you respect them as a person. Parenting Training
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. However it does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Parenting Training
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anybody to solve the dispute. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Parenting Training
Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to deal with conflict, and also even just how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be curious about my partner, Antonio, and his two teenage sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
Just how can you become a positive parent? Parenting Training
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve changed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mom or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Parenting Training
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Parenting Training
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