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When I first came to be a mother, I recognized that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Parenting Tweens Boys
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning taking care of power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they found out in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I became a mother.Parenting Tweens Boys
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Parenting Tweens Boys
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I began checking out blog posts concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and basically every other typically approved parenting strategy.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs met. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas lead to healthy and balanced child development Parenting Tweens Boys
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had seen firsthand just how being the “mean father” could appear to help for the moment. Long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his history as well as finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Parenting Tweens Boys
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Providing your children whatever they want Parenting Tweens Boys
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the fact that collaboration always generates better long-term outcomes than strict control.
Parents who embrace this design have actually learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than mere outside conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Parenting Tweens Boys
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically widely accepted (and also much more typical in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can progress a lot further towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you and me. And also often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Parenting Tweens Boys
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from delighted one minute to complete tantrum the next. So instead of battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a key feeling beneath it
• Many mad children are actually frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that have to be met initially. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on meeting that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re really upset since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough because you truly really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The point is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our following scenario … Parenting Tweens Boys
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we wish to obtain from our child, we must be willing to offer before anyone else. If I am rude, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager merely because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, as well as you respect them as a person. Parenting Tweens Boys
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. But it does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teen to treat us with more respect, the first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Parenting Tweens Boys
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and returned the stolen sticker, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anybody to solve the problem. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Parenting Tweens Boys
Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to settle conflict, and even how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers may be curious about my other half, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
Just how can you become a positive parent? Parenting Tweens Boys
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to change your old way of life. But bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not believe how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend any person that is serious about becoming an extra positive mother or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Parenting Tweens Boys
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. Parenting Tweens Boys
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.