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When I initially came to be a mama, I understood that I wished to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. Parenting Tweens
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding handling power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to recognize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Parenting Tweens
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Parenting Tweens
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I began reading articles about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and practically every other typically approved parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles lead to healthy and balanced child development Parenting Tweens
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may seem to help for the moment. However long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his history as well as discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Parenting Tweens
Initially, let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Parenting Tweens
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the fact that collaboration always generates far better long-lasting results than strict control.
Parents who adopt this concept have actually learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain outside compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Parenting Tweens
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Discover the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s typically easier (as well as a lot more common in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal farther towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you as well as me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Parenting Tweens
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from delighted one moment to major tantrum the next. Instead of fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a primary feeling beneath it
• A lot of upset children are actually anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be met first. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re really angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult since you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The point is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next example … Parenting Tweens
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we intend to obtain from our child, we must want to give first. If I am disrespectful, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen just due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the standard and also show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and you value them as an individual. Parenting Tweens
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our young adult to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Parenting Tweens
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any person to fix the problem. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Parenting Tweens
Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to solve disputes, and even how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my husband, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
Just how can you become a positive parent? Parenting Tweens
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody that is serious about becoming a more positive mama or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Parenting Tweens
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Parenting Tweens
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.