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When I initially came to be a mommy, I recognized that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Parenting Workshops NYC
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they learned in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to understand that, while no one is without fault, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Parenting Workshops NYC
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Parenting Workshops NYC
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I began reading material concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and basically every other commonly approved parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas result in healthy and balanced child development Parenting Workshops NYC
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had observed firsthand how being the “mean dad” may appear to help for the moment. However in the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his history and also finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Parenting Workshops NYC
Let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Offering your children whatever they want Parenting Workshops NYC
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the truth that collaboration consistently generates better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents who embrace this design have actually learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere external conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s how I was parented, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Parenting Workshops NYC
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Right here are a couple of the techniques Amy shares to encourage you to evolve into the mom or daddy you have actually always wished to be, as well as assist your child to reach his or her complete potential.
Identify the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s usually much easier (and also much more typical in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a great deal further towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you and me. And also most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Parenting Workshops NYC
As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from delighted one minute to major meltdown the next. So rather than fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a main feeling under it
• Many upset children are really scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that must be addressed initially. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on meeting that big need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really angry because I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult since you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to allow him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next example … Parenting Workshops NYC
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we wish to obtain from our child, we must agree to provide before anyone else. If I am discourteous, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult simply due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, and you appreciate them as an individual. Parenting Workshops NYC
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more respect, the primary step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Parenting Workshops NYC
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anyone to fix the problem. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Parenting Workshops NYC
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with conflict, and even how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? Parenting Workshops NYC
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to transform your old ways. Yet bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any person that is serious about growing to be a more positive mama or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Parenting Workshops NYC
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. Parenting Workshops NYC
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