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When I initially came to be a mom, I recognized that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Parenting Young Child
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning dealing with power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they discovered in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to recognize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mom.Parenting Young Child
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Parenting Young Child
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I started checking out blogs regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, harsh punishments as well as practically every other generally accepted parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas cause healthy child development Parenting Young Child
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had observed firsthand how being the “mean father” could appear to benefit for the moment. But long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and also learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Parenting Young Child
Initially, let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they ask for Parenting Young Child
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the reality that cooperation always yields much better long-term results than forced control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have actually learned to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple outside compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Parenting Young Child
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Here are a couple of the techniques Amy reveals to encourage you to become the mother or father you have actually always intended to be, as well as help your child to reach his or her highest potential.
Identify the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s typically easier (as well as much more common in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
But we can get a great deal further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you as well as me. And often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Parenting Young Child
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete meltdown the next. Instead of dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a main emotion underneath it
• Many upset children are actually anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that should be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard because you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and also say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The point is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next scenario … Parenting Young Child
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to get from our child, we need to be willing to give before anyone else. If I am rude, controlling and sarcastic to my teen merely because I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or dad, you can set the example and also communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, as well as you respect them as an individual. Parenting Young Child
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Parenting Young Child
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anybody to fix the problem. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Parenting Young Child
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to solve disputes, as well as even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers could be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
Just how can you become a positive parent? Parenting Young Child
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any individual who is serious about coming to be a more positive mama or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Parenting Young Child
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Parenting Young Child
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.