Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially came to be a mother, I understood that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Parents Act Out Kid Story
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding managing power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they found out in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to realize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I became a mama.Parents Act Out Kid Story
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Parents Act Out Kid Story
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I began checking out blogs concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, severe punishments and virtually every other generally accepted parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas bring about healthy child development Parents Act Out Kid Story
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean father” could appear to work for the moment. But in the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his background and learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Parents Act Out Kid Story
Let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they want Parents Act Out Kid Story
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the reality that collaboration always produces far better long-term results than strict control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have actually learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they do not … After all, what happens once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple outside conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Parents Act Out Kid Story
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly easier (as well as more typical in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a lot further towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you as well as me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Parents Act Out Kid Story
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete meltdown the next. Rather than fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a primary emotion beneath it
• Most mad children are really anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that should be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s tough because you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The objective is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s think about young adults in our following example … Parents Act Out Kid Story
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we wish to get from our child, we have to want to provide first. If I am rude, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen just due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or dad, you can set the standard and show your teenager that you value their opinion, and also you value them as a person. Parents Act Out Kid Story
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teen to treat us with more respect, the very first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Parents Act Out Kid Story
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and returned the swiped sticker, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anyone to solve the dispute. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Parents Act Out Kid Story
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to deal with disputes, as well as even just how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be curious about my partner, Antonio, and also his two teen sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
Just how can you come to be a positive parent? Parents Act Out Kid Story
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not believe how much you’ve changed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual who is serious about becoming an extra positive mom or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Parents Act Out Kid Story
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Parents Act Out Kid Story
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.