Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first came to be a mommy, I knew that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. Parents Disciplining Child
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they learned in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to realize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Parents Disciplining Child
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Parents Disciplining Child
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I started checking out material about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and also basically every other traditionally accepted parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs met. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts lead to healthy and balanced child development Parents Disciplining Child
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean father” may seem to work temporarily. However in the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his history as well as finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Parents Disciplining Child
Let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they want Parents Disciplining Child
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the truth that cooperation consistently generates much better lasting results than strict control.
Parents who embrace this design have figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what happens once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going much deeper than simple outward conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s just how I was raised, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Parents Disciplining Child
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Identify the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s commonly simpler (as well as more common in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a great deal more towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you and also me. And also most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Parents Disciplining Child
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from happy one minute to major tantrum the next. Rather than combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a key emotion underneath it
• The majority of angry children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that have to be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly upset since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s hard due to the fact that you truly want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to allow him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next scenario … Parents Disciplining Child
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we intend to obtain from our child, we have to be willing to provide first. If I am discourteous, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager simply due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or father, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, as well as you value them as an individual. Parents Disciplining Child
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teen to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Parents Disciplining Child
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anybody to resolve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Parents Disciplining Child
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to fix disputes, and also even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be curious about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his two teenage boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? Parents Disciplining Child
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual that is serious about becoming a much more positive mother or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Parents Disciplining Child
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Parents Disciplining Child
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.