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When I first became a mommy, I recognized that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Parents Disciplining
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about managing power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they found out in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to understand that, while no person is without fault, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I became a mother.Parents Disciplining
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Parents Disciplining
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I started reviewing articles regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and also basically every other generally accepted parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs met. I found out about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development Parents Disciplining
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually observed firsthand just how being the “mean father” could appear to benefit for the moment. Yet in the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his history and also finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Parents Disciplining
Let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they want Parents Disciplining
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the truth that collaboration always generates much better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Parents that embrace this concept have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Besides, what occurs when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than plain outside conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Parents Disciplining
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Discover the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly simpler (and a lot more typical in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal farther towards solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you and me. And also many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Parents Disciplining
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet matured. That means they can go from cloud nine one minute to major meltdown the next. Instead of dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a key feeling under it
• A lot of upset children are in fact scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that should be addressed initially. For example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on addressing that large need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly mad because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult due to the fact that you genuinely really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The point is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s use teens in our following scenario … Parents Disciplining
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to get from our child, we must be ready to offer. If I am discourteous, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager merely because I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or father, you can set the example and also show your teenager that you value their point of view, and also you value them as a person. Parents Disciplining
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Parents Disciplining
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and returned the swiped sticker, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anybody to settle the problem. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Parents Disciplining
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to resolve conflict, and even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? Parents Disciplining
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you won’t think how much you’ve altered, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody that is serious about becoming an extra positive mama or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Parents Disciplining
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Parents Disciplining
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.