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When I first came to be a mother, I knew that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Paying For Grades
There were a couple of books on our shelf about taking care of power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they learned in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to understand that, while no person is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Paying For Grades
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Paying For Grades
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I started reviewing blogs concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, extreme punishments as well as virtually every other traditionally accepted parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas result in healthy and balanced child development Paying For Grades
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had observed firsthand just how being the “mean father” could seem to work temporarily. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his history and also discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Paying For Grades
First, let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Paying For Grades
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the reality that cooperation consistently generates far better long-term outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Besides, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to establish self-control
• Going much deeper than simple outside compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Paying For Grades
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Discover the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually widely accepted (and also extra usual in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
However we can get a great deal more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and also me. And many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Paying For Grades
For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete tantrum the next. So instead of combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a primary feeling below it
• Many upset children are really anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that have to be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on addressing that huge need first.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult because you really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The point is to allow him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our following scenario … Paying For Grades
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to receive from our child, we need to be ready to offer. If I am rude, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen simply since I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the example and also communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, as well as you value them as a person. Paying For Grades
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with even more regard, the primary step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Paying For Grades
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any person to fix the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Paying For Grades
Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to resolve disputes, as well as even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be curious about my husband, Antonio, and his 2 teen sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So just how can you come to be a positive parent? Paying For Grades
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to change your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you’ve altered, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mom or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Paying For Grades
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Paying For Grades
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.