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When I initially came to be a mommy, I knew that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Paying Kids For Good Grades
There were a few books on our shelf about managing power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they learned in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a tough number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to recognize that, while no one is perfect, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Paying Kids For Good Grades
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Paying Kids For Good Grades
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I began reading blogs about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and pretty much every other commonly accepted parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles bring about healthy and balanced child development Paying Kids For Good Grades
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had observed firsthand how being the “mean father” could seem to help temporarily. In the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his history and finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Paying Kids For Good Grades
First, let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for Paying Kids For Good Grades
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the reality that cooperation always yields much better long-term results than harsh control.
Parents that embrace this concept have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they don’t … Besides, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Helping kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than simple exterior compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Paying Kids For Good Grades
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Discover the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s frequently widely accepted (and more common in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can progress a lot farther toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you and also me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Paying Kids For Good Grades
For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet developed. That means they can go from delighted one minute to major tantrum the next. So instead of combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a key feeling beneath it
• A lot of angry children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that must be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on meeting that large need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re really upset because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult due to the fact that you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following example … Paying Kids For Good Grades
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to get from our child, we need to be willing to provide before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult merely since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the example and also communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, as well as you appreciate them as a person. Paying Kids For Good Grades
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the very first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Paying Kids For Good Grades
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any person to resolve the conflict. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Paying Kids For Good Grades
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to solve conflict, and also even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and his 2 teen boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So just how can you become a positive parent? Paying Kids For Good Grades
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to change your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not believe how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone that is serious about becoming an extra positive mommy or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Paying Kids For Good Grades
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Paying Kids For Good Grades
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.