Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially became a mother, I understood that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Peace Ideas
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding taking care of power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, and also just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they found out in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to realize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Peace Ideas
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Peace Ideas
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I started reviewing material regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, severe punishments and also basically every other commonly approved parenting technique.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts bring about healthy and balanced child development Peace Ideas
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” might seem to benefit for the moment. In the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his background as well as discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Peace Ideas
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Providing your children whatever they want Peace Ideas
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the reality that collaboration always produces much better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have learned to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than mere outside conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Peace Ideas
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Identify the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s often widely accepted (and also more usual in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you and me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Peace Ideas
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from delighted one minute to complete meltdown the next. Rather than dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a main feeling beneath it
• Most angry children are actually frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be met initially. For example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that big need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s hard because you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following example … Peace Ideas
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to receive from our child, we have to be willing to give first. If I am disrespectful, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen just due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or dad, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, and also you respect them as a person. Peace Ideas
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Peace Ideas
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any person to deal with the dispute. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Peace Ideas
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to fix conflict, and even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and also his two adolescent sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and also the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
Just how can you become a positive parent? Peace Ideas
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to alter your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody who is serious about growing to be a much more positive mama or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Peace Ideas
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Peace Ideas
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.