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When I initially came to be a mama, I knew that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Peaceful Christian Parenting
There were a few books on our shelf about managing power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they learned in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to realize that, while no person is perfect, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Peaceful Christian Parenting
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Peaceful Christian Parenting
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I started reading blog posts regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, severe punishments and practically every other commonly approved parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs met. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts cause healthy and balanced child development Peaceful Christian Parenting
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might seem to work for the moment. Long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his history and also finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Peaceful Christian Parenting
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Offering your children whatever they ask for Peaceful Christian Parenting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the fact that cooperation consistently yields much better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads who embrace this design have actually learned to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they do not … After all, what takes place once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere outward conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as screaming. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Peaceful Christian Parenting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s typically widely accepted (and also much more usual in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a lot more towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you and also me. And many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Peaceful Christian Parenting
For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one moment to major tantrum the next. So rather than battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a main feeling beneath it
• Many upset children are actually frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that have to be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that large need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s hard since you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to enable him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next scenario … Peaceful Christian Parenting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to receive from our child, we have to be eager to offer. If I am disrespectful, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager merely since I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example and show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and you respect them as an individual. Peaceful Christian Parenting
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our young adult to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Peaceful Christian Parenting
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the stolen sticker, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anybody to fix the conflict. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Peaceful Christian Parenting
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with disputes, and also even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be curious about my partner, Antonio, as well as his two teenage sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Peaceful Christian Parenting
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to alter your old ways. Yet bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you have actually altered, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise any individual that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mom or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Peaceful Christian Parenting
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Peaceful Christian Parenting
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