Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first became a mommy, I understood that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Peaceful Parent Academy
There were a few books on our bookshelf about dealing with power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they found out in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to recognize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Peaceful Parent Academy
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Peaceful Parent Academy
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started reviewing material concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and also virtually every other traditionally accepted parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs met. I discovered:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles lead to healthy and balanced child development Peaceful Parent Academy
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually observed firsthand how being the “mean father” could appear to help temporarily. But long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his background and learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Peaceful Parent Academy
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they want Peaceful Parent Academy
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the reality that collaboration consistently produces far better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents who embrace this design have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Besides, what happens when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than simple outside conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s how I was raised, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Peaceful Parent Academy
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Below are a number of the methods Amy reveals to assist you to evolve into the mommy or daddy you have actually always intended to be, as well as encourage your child to reach his or her highest potential.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often much easier (as well as a lot more typical in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can progress a great deal further towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs just like you and also me. And often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Peaceful Parent Academy
For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete meltdown the next. Instead of combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a key emotion under it
• Most angry children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that should be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really angry due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough due to the fact that you truly want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The goal is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s use teens in our following example … Peaceful Parent Academy
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to receive from our child, we should be willing to provide. If I am discourteous, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen merely because I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, and you respect them as a person. Peaceful Parent Academy
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. But it does suggest you can be kind despite disputes. It will accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teenager to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Peaceful Parent Academy
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anybody to fix the conflict. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Peaceful Parent Academy
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to resolve conflict, as well as even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and his two teenage boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So just how can you become a positive parent? Peaceful Parent Academy
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to change your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise any individual who is serious about becoming an extra positive mom or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Peaceful Parent Academy
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. Peaceful Parent Academy
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.