Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially came to be a mommy, I understood that I wished to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Peaceful Parent Book Review
There were a few books on our shelf about dealing with power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to realize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mom.Peaceful Parent Book Review
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Peaceful Parent Book Review
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I began reading material concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, harsh punishments as well as practically every other traditionally approved parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts cause healthy and balanced child development Peaceful Parent Book Review
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had observed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could seem to work temporarily. In the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his history and learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Peaceful Parent Book Review
Let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they want Peaceful Parent Book Review
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the truth that cooperation consistently generates much better long-term results than harsh control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than plain outside conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Peaceful Parent Book Review
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Identify the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s commonly widely accepted (and also more common in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can get a lot more towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you as well as me. And often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Peaceful Parent Book Review
For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from cloud nine one minute to major meltdown the next. Rather than battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a primary feeling below it
• The majority of upset children are in fact frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that need to be addressed first. For instance, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that large need first.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough due to the fact that you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s think about young adults in our following example … Peaceful Parent Book Review
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to receive from our child, we must be willing to provide. If I am rude, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager simply since I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or dad, you can set the standard as well as show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, as well as you appreciate them as a person. Peaceful Parent Book Review
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teen to treat us with more respect, the first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Peaceful Parent Book Review
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any person to resolve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Peaceful Parent Book Review
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to settle disputes, and also even just how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be curious about my other half, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Peaceful Parent Book Review
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old way of life. Yet gradually, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anyone who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mother or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Peaceful Parent Book Review
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button below. Peaceful Parent Book Review
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.