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When I first became a mother, I understood that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Peaceful Parent.Com
There were a few books on our shelf regarding taking care of power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Peaceful Parent.Com
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Peaceful Parent.Com
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I began reading material about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and pretty much every other traditionally accepted parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these principles lead to healthy child development Peaceful Parent.Com
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually observed firsthand just how being the “mean father” could seem to work temporarily. Yet in the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his background and also learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Peaceful Parent.Com
Let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they want Peaceful Parent.Com
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the fact that collaboration consistently produces much better lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Parents that adopt this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they do not … After all, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple external conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Peaceful Parent.Com
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s frequently much easier (as well as a lot more typical in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can progress a great deal further towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and me. And also often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Peaceful Parent.Com
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from happy one minute to major meltdown the next. Rather than combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a key emotion underneath it
• A lot of angry children are actually frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly angry because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult since you really really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next example … Peaceful Parent.Com
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to obtain from our child, we need to be willing to provide. If I am discourteous, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult simply since I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or dad, you can set the example and also show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and also you appreciate them as a person. Peaceful Parent.Com
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Peaceful Parent.Com
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any person to solve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Peaceful Parent.Com
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to settle disputes, as well as even just how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers might be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and his two teenage boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Peaceful Parent.Com
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve altered, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody that is serious about becoming an extra positive mom or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Peaceful Parent.Com
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Peaceful Parent.Com
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