Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first came to be a mom, I understood that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Peaceful Parent Happy Child Book
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding dealing with power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, and exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they found out in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to understand that, while no person is perfect, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.Peaceful Parent Happy Child Book
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Peaceful Parent Happy Child Book
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I started reviewing material concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and also practically every other typically accepted parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles result in healthy and balanced child development Peaceful Parent Happy Child Book
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might seem to help for the moment. However long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his history and also finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Peaceful Parent Happy Child Book
Let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Offering your children every little thing they want Peaceful Parent Happy Child Book
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the truth that collaboration always generates better long-term results than strict control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have actually figured out how to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than mere outward compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Peaceful Parent Happy Child Book
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Get to the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically much easier (and a lot more usual in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can get a lot more toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you and me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Peaceful Parent Happy Child Book
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from joyful one moment to complete meltdown the next. Instead of battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a key feeling underneath it
• A lot of mad children are in fact frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that have to be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on meeting that big need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad since I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s hard due to the fact that you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next scenario … Peaceful Parent Happy Child Book
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we wish to receive from our child, we need to be willing to offer first. If I am discourteous, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult merely because I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and you appreciate them as a person. Peaceful Parent Happy Child Book
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Peaceful Parent Happy Child Book
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate any individual to fix the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Peaceful Parent Happy Child Book
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to solve conflict, and even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers could be curious about my husband, Antonio, and his two adolescent sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? Peaceful Parent Happy Child Book
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mother or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Peaceful Parent Happy Child Book
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Peaceful Parent Happy Child Book
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.