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When I first came to be a mommy, I knew that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Peaceful Parent Happy Child
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning managing power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they found out in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to understand that, while no one is without flaws, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mom.Peaceful Parent Happy Child
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Peaceful Parent Happy Child
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I began checking out material about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, extreme punishments as well as practically every other commonly approved parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas result in healthy child development Peaceful Parent Happy Child
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had observed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may seem to help temporarily. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his history and also finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Peaceful Parent Happy Child
Let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children whatever they ask for Peaceful Parent Happy Child
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the truth that collaboration always yields far better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents who adopt this design have actually learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they do not … Besides, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than plain outside conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s how I was parented, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Peaceful Parent Happy Child
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Discover the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly widely accepted (as well as more common in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a lot farther toward solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you as well as me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Peaceful Parent Happy Child
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from joyful one minute to complete meltdown the next. Rather than battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a key emotion under it
• Many mad children are actually frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that should be addressed first. As an example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on meeting that large need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s tough due to the fact that you truly really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our following example … Peaceful Parent Happy Child
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to get from our child, we must be willing to provide. If I am rude, controlling and sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the example as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, and you respect them as an individual. Peaceful Parent Happy Child
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with even more respect, the primary step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Peaceful Parent Happy Child
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anybody to fix the problem. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Peaceful Parent Happy Child
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to deal with conflict, and even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and also his 2 teen boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? Peaceful Parent Happy Child
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to transform your old way of life. However little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you will not think just how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise any individual who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mommy or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Peaceful Parent Happy Child
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Peaceful Parent Happy Child
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.