Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first came to be a mom, I understood that I intended to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Peaceful Parent Happy Kid Audiobook
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they discovered in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to realize that, while no person is without fault, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Peaceful Parent Happy Kid Audiobook
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Peaceful Parent Happy Kid Audiobook
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I started reading material concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, harsh punishments as well as practically every other generally accepted parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas cause healthy and balanced child development Peaceful Parent Happy Kid Audiobook
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may seem to benefit temporarily. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and also learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Peaceful Parent Happy Kid Audiobook
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Providing your children whatever they want Peaceful Parent Happy Kid Audiobook
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the truth that collaboration always produces better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads who embrace this design have learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going much deeper than simple external conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Peaceful Parent Happy Kid Audiobook
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Find the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often widely accepted (and also much more usual in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can get a lot more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you as well as me. And often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Peaceful Parent Happy Kid Audiobook
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from happy one moment to complete tantrum the next. Rather than combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a primary feeling underneath it
• The majority of mad children are actually anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that must be met initially. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really angry due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s tough since you truly wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next example … Peaceful Parent Happy Kid Audiobook
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we intend to get from our child, we must want to give first. If I am impolite, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager merely due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the example and also show your young adult that you value their point of view, and you value them as a person. Peaceful Parent Happy Kid Audiobook
This does not imply you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teen to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Peaceful Parent Happy Kid Audiobook
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any individual to settle the dispute. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Peaceful Parent Happy Kid Audiobook
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to fix disputes, and also even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be curious about my partner, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Peaceful Parent Happy Kid Audiobook
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to alter your old ways. But gradually, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not think just how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend any person who is serious about becoming a much more positive mama or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Peaceful Parent Happy Kid Audiobook
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Peaceful Parent Happy Kid Audiobook
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.