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When I first came to be a mom, I knew that I wished to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. Peaceful Parent Happy Kid Deutsch
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about dealing with power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they found out in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to understand that, while no person is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Peaceful Parent Happy Kid Deutsch
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Peaceful Parent Happy Kid Deutsch
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I started checking out blog posts concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, extreme punishments as well as practically every other typically accepted parenting technique.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs met. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles lead to healthy child development Peaceful Parent Happy Kid Deutsch
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may appear to work for the moment. In the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history and also finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Peaceful Parent Happy Kid Deutsch
Initially, let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they want Peaceful Parent Happy Kid Deutsch
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the truth that collaboration always yields better long-lasting results than strict control.
Parents that embrace this concept have learned to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple exterior compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Peaceful Parent Happy Kid Deutsch
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s typically much easier (as well as much more common in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot farther towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you as well as me. And also most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Peaceful Parent Happy Kid Deutsch
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from delighted one minute to complete meltdown the next. So instead of combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a main emotion beneath it
• Many mad children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that must be addressed first. For instance, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on meeting that huge need first.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really upset since I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s tough due to the fact that you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next scenario … Peaceful Parent Happy Kid Deutsch
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to get from our child, we have to be prepared to offer. If I am disrespectful, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen just due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or dad, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, and you value them as a person. Peaceful Parent Happy Kid Deutsch
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. Yet it does indicate you can be kind despite disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with more regard, the primary step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Peaceful Parent Happy Kid Deutsch
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any individual to solve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Peaceful Parent Happy Kid Deutsch
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to deal with disputes, and also even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and his two teenage boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
How can you become a positive parent? Peaceful Parent Happy Kid Deutsch
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you’ve changed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual that is serious about becoming an extra positive mom or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Peaceful Parent Happy Kid Deutsch
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Peaceful Parent Happy Kid Deutsch
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