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When I initially became a mom, I understood that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Peaceful Parent Login
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding handling power struggles, just how to control the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they found out in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to realize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Peaceful Parent Login
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Peaceful Parent Login
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I started reviewing articles concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, severe punishments as well as pretty much every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas lead to healthy child development Peaceful Parent Login
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could appear to help temporarily. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history as well as finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Peaceful Parent Login
Initially, let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Peaceful Parent Login
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the truth that collaboration always yields far better lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Parents that embrace this design have actually learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they don’t … After all, what occurs when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain exterior compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Peaceful Parent Login
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Get to the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often much easier (as well as much more usual in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
But we can get a great deal further towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you and also me. And also many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Peaceful Parent Login
For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet developed. That means they can go from delighted one minute to complete tantrum the next. Rather than dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a key emotion under it
• A lot of mad children are actually scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that have to be addressed initially. For example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that huge need initially.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s hard due to the fact that you really wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next scenario … Peaceful Parent Login
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to obtain from our child, we must be willing to give first. If I am rude, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen merely since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the example and also show your young adult that you value their opinion, and also you value them as an individual. Peaceful Parent Login
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. But it does imply you can be kind despite conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Peaceful Parent Login
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any person to settle the dispute. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Peaceful Parent Login
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to resolve disputes, and even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and also his two teenage sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Peaceful Parent Login
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to alter your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not think how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mama or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Peaceful Parent Login
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. Peaceful Parent Login
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