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When I first became a mama, I recognized that I intended to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. Peaceful Parent Online Course
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about taking care of power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to understand that, while no person is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Peaceful Parent Online Course
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Peaceful Parent Online Course
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I began checking out articles about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, harsh punishments as well as practically every other commonly accepted parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts bring about healthy and balanced child development Peaceful Parent Online Course
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually experienced firsthand just how being the “mean father” could seem to work temporarily. In the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his background and also learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Peaceful Parent Online Course
First, let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for Peaceful Parent Online Course
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the truth that cooperation consistently generates far better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents that adopt this concept have actually learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they do not … After all, what occurs when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere outward conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s just how I was parented, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Peaceful Parent Online Course
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Find the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often much easier (and a lot more common in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you and also me. And also many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Peaceful Parent Online Course
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from happy one minute to complete tantrum the next. Instead of combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a primary feeling beneath it
• The majority of angry children are really frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that should be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that huge need initially.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really angry because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult since you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The intent is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next example … Peaceful Parent Online Course
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to get from our child, we must want to give before anyone else. If I am discourteous, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager just due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or dad, you can set the example and communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, and you value them as an individual. Peaceful Parent Online Course
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teenager to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Peaceful Parent Online Course
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anyone to settle the dispute. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Peaceful Parent Online Course
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to resolve conflict, and also even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers could be wondering about my partner, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Peaceful Parent Online Course
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually changed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody that is serious about coming to be a more positive mother or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Peaceful Parent Online Course
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Peaceful Parent Online Course
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.