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When I first became a mommy, I understood that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Peaceful Parent Whisperer
There were a few books on our shelf concerning taking care of power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, and also just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Peaceful Parent Whisperer
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Peaceful Parent Whisperer
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I started reviewing blog posts regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and also virtually every other commonly approved parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs met. I discovered:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts cause healthy child development Peaceful Parent Whisperer
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may seem to benefit temporarily. In the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history and also discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Peaceful Parent Whisperer
Let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Offering your children whatever they want Peaceful Parent Whisperer
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the fact that collaboration always produces much better lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Parents that adopt this design have learned to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Besides, what happens once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than mere exterior compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Peaceful Parent Whisperer
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Get to the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often widely accepted (and also much more common in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal more towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs just like you and me. And also most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Peaceful Parent Whisperer
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from happy one minute to complete meltdown the next. So instead of fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a key feeling underneath it
• The majority of upset children are really frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that should be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on meeting that large need initially.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly mad due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s hard because you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The point is to permit him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next example … Peaceful Parent Whisperer
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to obtain from our child, we should be prepared to provide. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager merely since I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. Peaceful Parent Whisperer
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. But it does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Peaceful Parent Whisperer
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any individual to solve the dispute. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Peaceful Parent Whisperer
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to resolve conflict, and even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers could be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and also his two adolescent boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
Just how can you become a positive parent? Peaceful Parent Whisperer
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to alter your old parenting style. But bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually altered, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise anybody that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mommy or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Peaceful Parent Whisperer
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Peaceful Parent Whisperer
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