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When I initially became a mama, I recognized that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they didn’t have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. Peaceful Parent
There were a few books on our shelf regarding taking care of power struggles, exactly how to control the strong-willed child, and exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to understand that, while no person is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.Peaceful Parent
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Peaceful Parent
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I began checking out material concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, severe punishments as well as pretty much every other generally accepted parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs met. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts bring about healthy and balanced child development Peaceful Parent
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” could appear to work temporarily. Yet in the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his history as well as finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Peaceful Parent
Let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Offering your children whatever they ask for Peaceful Parent
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the reality that collaboration always produces far better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Parents that embrace this design have actually learned to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they don’t … After all, what takes place once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-control
• Going deeper than simple external conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Peaceful Parent
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s commonly much easier (and also extra typical in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a great deal more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you and also me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Peaceful Parent
For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one minute to major tantrum the next. So rather than dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a main feeling beneath it
• Most mad children are really frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that should be met initially. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that big need first.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s hard because you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following example … Peaceful Parent
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to obtain from our child, we have to be eager to provide. If I am disrespectful, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen simply since I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and you respect them as an individual. Peaceful Parent
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind when faced with problems. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Peaceful Parent
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the swiped sticker, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anyone to settle the problem. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Peaceful Parent
Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to deal with conflict, as well as even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and also his two teenage boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? Peaceful Parent
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to transform your old way of life. Yet bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not think how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any individual that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mommy or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Peaceful Parent
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button below. Peaceful Parent
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