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When I initially came to be a mommy, I understood that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they really did not have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Peaceful Parenting 101
There were a few books on our bookshelf about managing power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they discovered in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I became a mama.Peaceful Parenting 101
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Peaceful Parenting 101
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I started reviewing blog posts regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, harsh punishments as well as basically every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs met. I discovered:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts cause healthy and balanced child development Peaceful Parenting 101
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could seem to work temporarily. In the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his background as well as discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Peaceful Parenting 101
Let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they want Peaceful Parenting 101
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the truth that cooperation always generates better lasting results than strict control.
Parents that adopt this design have learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than plain external conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Peaceful Parenting 101
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Identify the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s typically easier (as well as extra common in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you and also me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Peaceful Parenting 101
For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete meltdown the next. So instead of dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a key feeling underneath it
• The majority of angry children are really frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that have to be addressed first. As an example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on addressing that big need initially.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard due to the fact that you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The goal is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our following scenario … Peaceful Parenting 101
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to receive from our child, we should agree to give before anyone else. If I am discourteous, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult just because I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the example and also communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, and you appreciate them as an individual. Peaceful Parenting 101
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. But it does imply you can be kind despite conflict. It will accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Peaceful Parenting 101
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and returned the stolen sticker, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any person to deal with the dispute. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Peaceful Parenting 101
Since we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve conflict, and also even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be curious about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his two teenage sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So how can you become a positive parent? Peaceful Parenting 101
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to alter your old way of life. But bit by bit, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise anyone that is serious about coming to be a more positive mommy or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Peaceful Parenting 101
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Peaceful Parenting 101
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