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When I first became a mama, I recognized that I intended to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Peaceful Parenting Abuse
There were a few books on our shelf regarding handling power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a tough period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to understand that, while no one is without fault, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Peaceful Parenting Abuse
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Peaceful Parenting Abuse
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I began reviewing material concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and also practically every other commonly approved parenting technique.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas cause healthy child development Peaceful Parenting Abuse
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had observed firsthand just how being the “mean father” could seem to benefit temporarily. But in the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his history as well as learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Peaceful Parenting Abuse
Initially, let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they ask for Peaceful Parenting Abuse
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the reality that cooperation always yields far better lasting results than strict control.
Parents that embrace this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than mere outside conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Peaceful Parenting Abuse
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly much easier (and a lot more usual in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a great deal more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you and also me. And also most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Peaceful Parenting Abuse
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet matured. That means they can go from happy one moment to major tantrum the next. So as opposed to battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a key feeling beneath it
• The majority of upset children are actually frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that should be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on addressing that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really angry because I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult due to the fact that you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The point is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following example … Peaceful Parenting Abuse
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we wish to get from our child, we should be willing to offer first. If I am discourteous, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager merely due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or father, you can set the example as well as show your teenager that you value their point of view, and also you appreciate them as an individual. Peaceful Parenting Abuse
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. Yet it does mean you can be kind despite problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the primary step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Peaceful Parenting Abuse
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the stolen sticker, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any person to resolve the conflict. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Peaceful Parenting Abuse
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to resolve conflict, and even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers might be curious about my partner, Antonio, and also his two teen boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
How can you come to be a positive parent? Peaceful Parenting Abuse
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually changed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual that is serious about becoming a more positive mother or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Peaceful Parenting Abuse
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Peaceful Parenting Abuse
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