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When I initially came to be a mother, I recognized that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. Peaceful Parenting Academy
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding managing power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they found out in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to recognize that, while no one is perfect, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Peaceful Parenting Academy
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Peaceful Parenting Academy
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I started checking out blogs regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and basically every other commonly approved parenting strategy.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these ideas result in healthy child development Peaceful Parenting Academy
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may appear to benefit for the moment. In the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his history and also discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Peaceful Parenting Academy
First, let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they ask for Peaceful Parenting Academy
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the reality that collaboration always produces better long-lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … After all, what takes place once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain exterior compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Peaceful Parenting Academy
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Discover the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly widely accepted (and much more typical in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you and me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Peaceful Parenting Academy
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one moment to major meltdown the next. Rather than combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a main feeling below it
• The majority of mad children are actually frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that must be met first. For instance, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult since you truly really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The point is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our following scenario … Peaceful Parenting Academy
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to obtain from our child, we should be prepared to provide. If I am impolite, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager just since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example and also show your teen that you value their opinion, and you respect them as an individual. Peaceful Parenting Academy
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Peaceful Parenting Academy
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anyone to deal with the problem. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Peaceful Parenting Academy
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to solve conflict, as well as even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and also his two teen boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? Peaceful Parenting Academy
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to change your old parenting style. However bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not believe how much you have actually altered, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mommy or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Peaceful Parenting Academy
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Peaceful Parenting Academy
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