Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first became a mother, I knew that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they really did not have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Peaceful Parenting Atheism And Anarchism
There were a few books on our shelf about managing power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to realize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Peaceful Parenting Atheism And Anarchism
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Peaceful Parenting Atheism And Anarchism
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I started checking out blogs regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, extreme punishments as well as practically every other commonly approved parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these ideas result in healthy and balanced child development Peaceful Parenting Atheism And Anarchism
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean father” might appear to help temporarily. Yet long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his history as well as finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Peaceful Parenting Atheism And Anarchism
First, let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children whatever they want Peaceful Parenting Atheism And Anarchism
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the fact that collaboration always generates far better lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Parents who adopt this concept have learned to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Besides, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain external compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s just how I was parented, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Peaceful Parenting Atheism And Anarchism
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Right here are a couple of the techniques Amy teaches to assist you to come to be the mom or dad you have actually always wanted to be, as well as encourage your child to reach his/her full potential.
Find the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically simpler (and also much more typical in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a great deal more toward solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you as well as me. And many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Peaceful Parenting Atheism And Anarchism
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from joyful one moment to major tantrum the next. Instead of combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a key feeling under it
• A lot of mad children are actually frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be met initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset since I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s difficult since you really wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our next example … Peaceful Parenting Atheism And Anarchism
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to obtain from our child, we must be eager to offer. If I am impolite, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen simply because I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the standard and communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and also you appreciate them as an individual. Peaceful Parenting Atheism And Anarchism
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind despite conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the primary step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Peaceful Parenting Atheism And Anarchism
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the swiped sticker, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anybody to fix the problem. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Peaceful Parenting Atheism And Anarchism
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve conflict, as well as even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Peaceful Parenting Atheism And Anarchism
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not believe how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any person who is serious about growing to be a much more positive mama or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Peaceful Parenting Atheism And Anarchism
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Peaceful Parenting Atheism And Anarchism
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.