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When I initially became a mama, I recognized that I intended to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Peaceful Parenting Attention Seeking
There were a few books on our shelf regarding managing power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to realize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Peaceful Parenting Attention Seeking
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Peaceful Parenting Attention Seeking
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I started reviewing articles concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, extreme punishments as well as practically every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts result in healthy and balanced child development Peaceful Parenting Attention Seeking
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might seem to work for the moment. Yet in the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his history and also finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Peaceful Parenting Attention Seeking
Let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Offering your children every little thing they want Peaceful Parenting Attention Seeking
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the truth that collaboration always yields better lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than mere outward compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as screaming. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Peaceful Parenting Attention Seeking
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Right here are a couple of the strategies Amy reveals to assist you to evolve into the mama or father you have actually always intended to be, as well as encourage your child to reach his or her full potential.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually easier (as well as extra typical in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a great deal farther towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you as well as me. And also most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Peaceful Parenting Attention Seeking
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from delighted one moment to complete meltdown the next. Rather than dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a main feeling under it
• The majority of angry children are really scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that should be met first. For instance, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that large need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s hard due to the fact that you genuinely want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The goal is to allow him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our following scenario … Peaceful Parenting Attention Seeking
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to obtain from our child, we must be prepared to give. If I am discourteous, controlling and sarcastic to my teen just since I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or dad, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, and you appreciate them as a person. Peaceful Parenting Attention Seeking
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Peaceful Parenting Attention Seeking
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any person to settle the conflict. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Peaceful Parenting Attention Seeking
Since we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to solve disputes, and even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So how can you become a positive parent? Peaceful Parenting Attention Seeking
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to change your old way of life. However bit by bit, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not believe how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anyone who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mother or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Peaceful Parenting Attention Seeking
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button below. Peaceful Parenting Attention Seeking
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