Peaceful Parenting Blog – Exactly How I Used Positive Parenting to Ultimately Get My Kids to Listen

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Peaceful Parenting Blog
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially became a mother, I knew that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. Peaceful Parenting Blog

There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding dealing with power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”

I’m uncertain just what they found out in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.

It was a difficult number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to understand that, while no one is without flaws, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Peaceful Parenting Blog

From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Peaceful Parenting Blog

My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I started reviewing articles about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, severe punishments and also pretty much every other typically approved parenting method.

I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs satisfied. I found out about:

• Problem-solving

• Managing power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• How every one of these principles cause healthy and balanced child development Peaceful Parenting Blog

Peaceful Parenting Blog

In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could seem to help temporarily. Long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child relationship.

Considering his background and also discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and implementing positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Peaceful Parenting Blog

First, let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to run wild

• Being a lazy parent

• Disregarding significant misbehavior

• Offering your children everything they want Peaceful Parenting Blog

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”

• Having no limits

You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the fact that cooperation always generates far better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.

Parents that embrace this concept have actually figured out how to promote:

• Common respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)

• Establishing healthy boundaries

• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals

Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what takes place once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?

• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued

• Assisting kids to grow their self-restraint

• Going deeper than mere exterior conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s how I was raised, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Peaceful Parenting Blog

I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.

Right here are a couple of the strategies Amy teaches to encourage you to come to be the mother or daddy you’ve always wished to be, and also help your child to reach his or her highest potential.

Identify the root of the behavior

I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly much easier (and extra typical in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.

We can get a great deal farther towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you and also me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Peaceful Parenting Blog

A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet formed. That means they can go from delighted one minute to complete tantrum the next. Instead of fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a primary feeling underneath it

• Many angry children are really scared and/or very sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that have to be addressed first. For example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on addressing that huge need first.

• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really upset since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s tough because you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if needed.

• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.

Remember the Golden Rule

I told you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our next example … Peaceful Parenting Blog

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to obtain from our child, we must be eager to provide. If I am impolite, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult just due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?

It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or dad, you can set the example and communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, and also you value them as a person. Peaceful Parenting Blog

This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. Yet it does mean you can be kind despite problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.

In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Peaceful Parenting Blog

Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I could address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …

Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the stolen sticker, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.

They made up, embraced and begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any person to resolve the dispute. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Peaceful Parenting Blog

Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to solve disputes, and also even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.

Some readers may be curious about my partner, Antonio, as well as his two teenage sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.

So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Peaceful Parenting Blog

This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.

I recommend anyone who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mom or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Peaceful Parenting Blog

You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.

In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. Peaceful Parenting Blog


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