Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first became a mommy, I recognized that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the very best they could, however they really did not have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. Peaceful Parenting Book Nancy Buck
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.Peaceful Parenting Book Nancy Buck
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Peaceful Parenting Book Nancy Buck
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I began checking out articles regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, severe punishments as well as practically every other typically approved parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts lead to healthy child development Peaceful Parenting Book Nancy Buck
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had seen firsthand just how being the “mean father” may appear to benefit temporarily. Long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his history as well as learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Peaceful Parenting Book Nancy Buck
Let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they want Peaceful Parenting Book Nancy Buck
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method identifies the fact that cooperation consistently yields far better lasting results than strict control.
Parents who adopt this design have learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple outside conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Peaceful Parenting Book Nancy Buck
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Discover the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often easier (as well as a lot more common in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot more towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you and me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Peaceful Parenting Book Nancy Buck
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from happy one moment to major tantrum the next. So rather than dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a main emotion under it
• Many upset children are really anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that should be met first. For example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re really mad because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough due to the fact that you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s think about young adults in our following example … Peaceful Parenting Book Nancy Buck
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to get from our child, we should be willing to offer. If I am discourteous, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager merely since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the standard and communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, and you respect them as an individual. Peaceful Parenting Book Nancy Buck
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Peaceful Parenting Book Nancy Buck
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any person to fix the conflict. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Peaceful Parenting Book Nancy Buck
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to fix disputes, and also even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers might be curious about my partner, Antonio, and also his two adolescent sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Peaceful Parenting Book Nancy Buck
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually altered, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any person that is serious about becoming a more positive mama or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Peaceful Parenting Book Nancy Buck
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. Peaceful Parenting Book Nancy Buck
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.