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When I first became a mama, I knew that I intended to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. Peaceful Parenting Books Amazon
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about managing power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they found out in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to understand that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Peaceful Parenting Books Amazon
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Peaceful Parenting Books Amazon
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I started reading articles concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, severe punishments and virtually every other commonly accepted parenting technique.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these concepts lead to healthy and balanced child development Peaceful Parenting Books Amazon
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could seem to work temporarily. However in the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his history as well as learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Peaceful Parenting Books Amazon
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they want Peaceful Parenting Books Amazon
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the reality that cooperation always produces much better lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Parents that embrace this concept have learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … After all, what happens when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than plain outward compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as screaming. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Peaceful Parenting Books Amazon
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Get to the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s usually widely accepted (and also a lot more typical in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
However we can progress a lot farther toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you and also me. And most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Peaceful Parenting Books Amazon
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from delighted one minute to major meltdown the next. Instead of combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a key feeling under it
• The majority of upset children are actually scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that should be met initially. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry since I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult due to the fact that you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The point is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next scenario … Peaceful Parenting Books Amazon
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to get from our child, we should agree to offer before anyone else. If I am discourteous, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager merely since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or dad, you can set the example and also show your teen that you value their opinion, and you appreciate them as an individual. Peaceful Parenting Books Amazon
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our young adult to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Peaceful Parenting Books Amazon
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any individual to settle the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Peaceful Parenting Books Amazon
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to fix conflict, and even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and his two adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Peaceful Parenting Books Amazon
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to change your old ways. But little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t think how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone who is serious about coming to be a more positive mama or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Peaceful Parenting Books Amazon
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Peaceful Parenting Books Amazon
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.