Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first came to be a mama, I understood that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Peaceful Parenting Chart
There were a few books on our bookshelf about managing power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to understand that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Peaceful Parenting Chart
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Peaceful Parenting Chart
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I started reading material concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, severe punishments and practically every other traditionally approved parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas cause healthy and balanced child development Peaceful Parenting Chart
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may appear to work for the moment. However in the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his history as well as learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Peaceful Parenting Chart
First, let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they want Peaceful Parenting Chart
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the truth that collaboration consistently produces much better long-term outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they do not … After all, what occurs once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple external conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Peaceful Parenting Chart
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Find the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s frequently much easier (as well as extra usual in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot farther toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you and also me. And most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Peaceful Parenting Chart
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from happy one minute to complete meltdown the next. Instead of combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a key emotion below it
• Most mad children are really anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that must be met first. As an example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard due to the fact that you truly really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our following scenario … Peaceful Parenting Chart
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we intend to receive from our child, we have to be willing to provide before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen merely due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the example as well as show your teen that you value their viewpoint, and you appreciate them as an individual. Peaceful Parenting Chart
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with more regard, the primary step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Peaceful Parenting Chart
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any person to solve the conflict. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Peaceful Parenting Chart
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to solve conflict, and also even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be curious about my partner, Antonio, and his two teen sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Peaceful Parenting Chart
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old ways. However little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually altered, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend any person that is serious about becoming an extra positive mom or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Peaceful Parenting Chart
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button below. Peaceful Parenting Chart
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.