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When I initially became a mom, I understood that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. Peaceful Parenting Class
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about handling power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, and exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they learned in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to recognize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Peaceful Parenting Class
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Peaceful Parenting Class
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I began checking out material about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, extreme punishments as well as virtually every other commonly accepted parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development Peaceful Parenting Class
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually observed firsthand just how being the “mean father” may appear to help temporarily. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his background and discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Peaceful Parenting Class
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they want Peaceful Parenting Class
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the truth that collaboration always yields far better long-term outcomes than strict control.
Parents that adopt this design have figured out how to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere exterior compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Peaceful Parenting Class
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Discover the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly easier (as well as extra usual in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you as well as me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Peaceful Parenting Class
As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from happy one moment to complete meltdown the next. So instead of battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a main emotion below it
• Most angry children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that should be addressed initially. For example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on addressing that huge need initially.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult due to the fact that you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The intent is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next example … Peaceful Parenting Class
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to receive from our child, we have to be willing to offer. If I am impolite, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen just because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or dad, you can set the example and show your teen that you value their point of view, and also you appreciate them as an individual. Peaceful Parenting Class
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. Yet it does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more respect, the primary step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Peaceful Parenting Class
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any person to deal with the conflict. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Peaceful Parenting Class
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to fix conflict, and also even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers may be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Peaceful Parenting Class
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to change your old parenting style. Yet bit by bit, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually changed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mama or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Peaceful Parenting Class
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. Peaceful Parenting Class
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