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When I initially came to be a mom, I recognized that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they really did not have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. Peaceful Parenting Classroom High School
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to realize that, while no one is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mom.Peaceful Parenting Classroom High School
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Peaceful Parenting Classroom High School
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I started reading material about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and pretty much every other typically accepted parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts result in healthy and balanced child development Peaceful Parenting Classroom High School
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean father” may appear to benefit temporarily. In the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his history and learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Peaceful Parenting Classroom High School
Let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they want Peaceful Parenting Classroom High School
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the truth that collaboration always produces far better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents that adopt this concept have actually learned to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they don’t … Besides, what happens as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere outward compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Peaceful Parenting Classroom High School
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Get to the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly widely accepted (and much more usual in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
However we can get a great deal further towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you and me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Peaceful Parenting Classroom High School
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from happy one minute to complete tantrum the next. Instead of dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a primary emotion underneath it
• The majority of mad children are in fact frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that large need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really upset since I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult due to the fact that you truly really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next scenario … Peaceful Parenting Classroom High School
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to receive from our child, we must be willing to offer. If I am rude, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager merely due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or dad, you can set the example and also show your young adult that you value their point of view, and you appreciate them as a person. Peaceful Parenting Classroom High School
This does not imply you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teen to treat us with even more regard, the primary step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Peaceful Parenting Classroom High School
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any person to solve the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Peaceful Parenting Classroom High School
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to resolve conflict, as well as even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be curious about my other half, Antonio, and his 2 teenage sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So just how can you become a positive parent? Peaceful Parenting Classroom High School
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to change your old parenting style. Yet bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually altered, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any person who is serious about growing to be a more positive mama or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Peaceful Parenting Classroom High School
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Peaceful Parenting Classroom High School
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