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When I first came to be a mom, I understood that I wished to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Peaceful Parenting Coffs Harbour
There were a few books on our shelf about dealing with power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they discovered in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to realize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I became a mom.Peaceful Parenting Coffs Harbour
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Peaceful Parenting Coffs Harbour
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I began reading articles about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and also virtually every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs met. I learned more about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts bring about healthy and balanced child development Peaceful Parenting Coffs Harbour
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may seem to benefit temporarily. However long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his history as well as finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Peaceful Parenting Coffs Harbour
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Offering your children every little thing they want Peaceful Parenting Coffs Harbour
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the truth that cooperation consistently produces far better long-lasting results than strict control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain exterior conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s just how I was raised, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Peaceful Parenting Coffs Harbour
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s typically easier (and also much more usual in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can progress a lot more toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you and also me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Peaceful Parenting Coffs Harbour
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from delighted one minute to major meltdown the next. Rather than dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a main emotion underneath it
• Most mad children are really scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that have to be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that huge need first.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly upset since I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s tough due to the fact that you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The point is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our following example … Peaceful Parenting Coffs Harbour
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we wish to receive from our child, we should want to provide first. If I am impolite, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager merely since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, and you appreciate them as a person. Peaceful Parenting Coffs Harbour
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. Yet it does imply you can be kind despite conflict. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teen to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Peaceful Parenting Coffs Harbour
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anybody to settle the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Peaceful Parenting Coffs Harbour
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to fix disputes, and even just how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
How can you come to be a positive parent? Peaceful Parenting Coffs Harbour
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mom or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Peaceful Parenting Coffs Harbour
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Peaceful Parenting Coffs Harbour
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.