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When I initially became a mother, I recognized that I wanted to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they didn’t have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. Peaceful Parenting Conference Ithaca
There were a couple of books on our shelf about dealing with power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they found out in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to recognize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Peaceful Parenting Conference Ithaca
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Peaceful Parenting Conference Ithaca
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I started reading blog posts about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, severe punishments and pretty much every other generally approved parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these principles result in healthy child development Peaceful Parenting Conference Ithaca
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean father” could appear to help temporarily. Long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his history as well as finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Peaceful Parenting Conference Ithaca
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children whatever they want Peaceful Parenting Conference Ithaca
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the reality that collaboration always yields much better long-term results than harsh control.
Parents who adopt this concept have learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they do not … After all, what occurs once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-restraint
• Going deeper than plain outward compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Peaceful Parenting Conference Ithaca
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Find the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s frequently easier (and also much more typical in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can get a great deal further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you and also me. And most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Peaceful Parenting Conference Ithaca
For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet matured. That means they can go from joyful one minute to major meltdown the next. So rather than combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a primary feeling beneath it
• Many angry children are in fact frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that must be met initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on meeting that large need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re really angry because I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough because you truly really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The point is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next example … Peaceful Parenting Conference Ithaca
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to get from our child, we must be willing to give. If I am discourteous, controlling and sarcastic to my teenager just because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the example and show your teen that you value their point of view, and also you respect them as a person. Peaceful Parenting Conference Ithaca
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Peaceful Parenting Conference Ithaca
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just recently, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and also returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any person to resolve the conflict. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Peaceful Parenting Conference Ithaca
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to solve disputes, and even how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my partner, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Peaceful Parenting Conference Ithaca
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to change your old ways. Yet bit by bit, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve changed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend any person that is serious about becoming a more positive mom or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Peaceful Parenting Conference Ithaca
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Peaceful Parenting Conference Ithaca
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