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When I initially came to be a mommy, I understood that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Peaceful Parenting Connection
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning managing power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to realize that, while no person is without fault, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Peaceful Parenting Connection
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Peaceful Parenting Connection
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I began checking out articles about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, severe punishments and pretty much every other traditionally accepted parenting strategy.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs met. I discovered:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles cause healthy child development Peaceful Parenting Connection
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may seem to work temporarily. In the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his background and discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Peaceful Parenting Connection
Let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children whatever they ask for Peaceful Parenting Connection
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the truth that collaboration consistently produces far better long-lasting results than strict control.
Parents who adopt this design have learned to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they do not … Besides, what happens once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple exterior compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also shouting. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Peaceful Parenting Connection
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically simpler (and also more common in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
But we can progress a whole lot farther towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you and also me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Peaceful Parenting Connection
For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from delighted one moment to complete tantrum the next. Rather than dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a primary feeling underneath it
• Most angry children are actually frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on addressing that large need first.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard due to the fact that you really really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following example … Peaceful Parenting Connection
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to get from our child, we must be willing to give. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult just due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the example and also communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, and also you appreciate them as an individual. Peaceful Parenting Connection
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. However it does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more respect, the very first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Peaceful Parenting Connection
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the stolen sticker, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anybody to resolve the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Peaceful Parenting Connection
Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to solve conflict, and even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and also his two teen sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
How can you come to be a positive parent? Peaceful Parenting Connection
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to change your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual who is serious about becoming a much more positive mama or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Peaceful Parenting Connection
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button below. Peaceful Parenting Connection
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