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When I initially came to be a mama, I knew that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Peaceful Parenting Course
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning managing power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they found out in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to recognize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mom.Peaceful Parenting Course
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Peaceful Parenting Course
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I began checking out blog posts concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, severe punishments and pretty much every other typically approved parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs met. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these ideas cause healthy and balanced child development Peaceful Parenting Course
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might seem to help for the moment. Long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his background as well as discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Peaceful Parenting Course
Let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Offering your children whatever they want Peaceful Parenting Course
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the fact that cooperation consistently generates better long-term outcomes than harsh control.
Parents that embrace this design have figured out how to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they do not … After all, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere exterior conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Peaceful Parenting Course
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Right here are a couple of the strategies Amy teaches to encourage you to evolve into the mama or father you have actually always wished to be, as well as help your child to reach his/her highest potential.
Identify the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s frequently easier (and more usual in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a lot more toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you and me. And also most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Peaceful Parenting Course
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet matured. That means they can go from joyful one minute to major meltdown the next. Rather than dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a main emotion below it
• Many mad children are really frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that must be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on meeting that big need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really mad due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s tough because you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next scenario … Peaceful Parenting Course
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to obtain from our child, we should want to offer before anyone else. If I am rude, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult merely because I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example and show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and also you respect them as an individual. Peaceful Parenting Course
This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teen to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Peaceful Parenting Course
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the stolen sticker, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anybody to settle the problem. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Peaceful Parenting Course
Since we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to settle disputes, and even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be curious about my partner, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So just how can you come to be a positive parent? Peaceful Parenting Course
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to alter your old ways. But gradually, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually altered, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mama or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Peaceful Parenting Course
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Peaceful Parenting Course
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.