Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially became a mommy, I understood that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the very best they could, however they didn’t have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. Peaceful Parenting Criticism
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to realize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Peaceful Parenting Criticism
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Peaceful Parenting Criticism
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I started checking out blog posts regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, severe punishments as well as practically every other generally approved parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts cause healthy and balanced child development Peaceful Parenting Criticism
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had witnessed firsthand how being the “mean father” might appear to help for the moment. Long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his background as well as learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Peaceful Parenting Criticism
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children every little thing they ask for Peaceful Parenting Criticism
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the fact that cooperation always produces far better long-term outcomes than forced control.
Parents that embrace this design have learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … After all, what occurs once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain external conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s how I was parented, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Peaceful Parenting Criticism
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s usually simpler (as well as a lot more typical in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and me. And frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Peaceful Parenting Criticism
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet developed. That means they can go from happy one moment to complete tantrum the next. So instead of fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a key emotion below it
• Most mad children are really anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re really mad because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s hard because you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our following scenario … Peaceful Parenting Criticism
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to obtain from our child, we have to be willing to give. If I am discourteous, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen merely because I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example and also communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, and also you value them as a person. Peaceful Parenting Criticism
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. Yet it does imply you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with more respect, the primary step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Peaceful Parenting Criticism
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any individual to resolve the dispute. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Peaceful Parenting Criticism
Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to fix conflict, and even how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers might be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and his two adolescent boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
Just how can you come to be a positive parent? Peaceful Parenting Criticism
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any person that is serious about coming to be a more positive mother or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Peaceful Parenting Criticism
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. Peaceful Parenting Criticism
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.