Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first came to be a mommy, I knew that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Peaceful Parenting Doesn’t Work
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to realize that, while no one is perfect, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I became a mom.Peaceful Parenting Doesn’t Work
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Peaceful Parenting Doesn’t Work
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I started reviewing blogs concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and pretty much every other typically approved parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs met. I found out about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these ideas lead to healthy child development Peaceful Parenting Doesn’t Work
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually seen firsthand how being the “mean father” may seem to work temporarily. Long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his background and finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Peaceful Parenting Doesn’t Work
Let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they ask for Peaceful Parenting Doesn’t Work
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the truth that cooperation always generates much better long-term results than harsh control.
Parents who embrace this concept have actually learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they do not … After all, what happens as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple outside conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Peaceful Parenting Doesn’t Work
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly simpler (and also a lot more usual in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot more towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you as well as me. And most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Peaceful Parenting Doesn’t Work
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one moment to major meltdown the next. Rather than battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a main feeling beneath it
• The majority of angry children are in fact scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be met initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that big need initially.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry since I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough because you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our following example … Peaceful Parenting Doesn’t Work
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we wish to receive from our child, we must agree to give first. If I am discourteous, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult simply because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or dad, you can set the standard and communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, as well as you appreciate them as a person. Peaceful Parenting Doesn’t Work
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the primary step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Peaceful Parenting Doesn’t Work
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anybody to settle the problem. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Peaceful Parenting Doesn’t Work
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to fix disputes, and even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and his two teen sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Peaceful Parenting Doesn’t Work
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t think how much you have actually changed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mother or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Peaceful Parenting Doesn’t Work
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. Peaceful Parenting Doesn’t Work
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.